In 1995, Gary Chapman, an American pastor with a Masters in Anthropology and a Ph.D. in Religious Education, published a book titled “The Five Love Languages”. In this book, Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love that he calls “_love languages_“. These five languages are as follows: * Gift giving, * Quality time, * Words of affirmation, * Acts of service (devotion), and * Physical touch. The theory of the book is simple: we all have a primary “love language” – a way in which we best understand and like to experience love. Be it through touch (hugs, kisses) or words of affirmation (being told “I love you”, “thank you”, “you’re doing a great job”). Once we have identified our primary love language, we can rank the remaining languages by importance; potentially we have a love language that is a very close second, potentially we have one that does not matter to us at all. By identifying your love languages, you can establish what it is that your husband does on a regular (or less regular) basis that make you feel good or “loved” – be it leaving work early to spend an extra hour with you and the children at home (quality time), or surprising you in the middle of the day with a bunch of flowers (gift giving), or making the bed in the morning instead of leaving it to you (an act of service). Conversely, you can also identify the things he does with loving intentions that do not make you feel good, and either (a) allow them to continue, acknowledging the fact that the loving intentions are there, or (b) encourage him to try other things instead. Having identified your love languages, the first step should be to communicate these to your husband, and to get him thinking about his. Once he understands the concept of the five love languages, you can actively encourage him everytime he “speaks” to you in yours. Similarly, by identifying your husband’s love languages, you can invest more time in these and less time doing things that may seem very loving to you, but which your husband does not in fact register as “love”. Of course, that’s the theory. In practice, things are never so simple. Take me, for example. My primary love language is acts of service, meaning I feel most loved when people do things for me. They don’t have to be big things; lately, I most appreciate it when my husband takes the baby from me for ten minutes, which gives me time to wash my hair or respond to an email without being interrupted. Before I had Oliver, it could have been anything from buying me lunch to meeting me at the train station to offering to carry my bag. As long as it was a deed, something done, not said, I was – I am – happy. In terms of the remaining languages, they are probably ranked from top to bottom: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gift giving. Which is all well and good, except that my husband’s primary love languages are words of affirmation and gift giving… What this means is that in order for my husband to feel loved, I have to do things that feel least like love to me. Telling him I love him is easy, but affirming him, thanking him (often, earnestly) is so contrary to my nature that I almost have to set a reminder on my phone to remember to do it. And for my husband, acts of service is bottom of his list, so in order for me to feel loved, he has to do something that is fundamentally contrary to his nature as well. Luckily, we’ve had the discussion about love languages; he knows mine and I know his. This knowledge has, without a doubt, helped me not only to understand my husband better, but to love him more, and more effectively, as a result. So much so that when he brings me a bunch of flowers but neglects to do the washing up, I know he’s loving me in his language and I can be (almost) genuinely grateful instead of wanting to kill him. And when I bring my husband coffee in bed and go thirty minutes out of my way to collect him from work but forget to tell him how wonderful he is, he can remind himself that I’m just loving him in my way and not be tempted to look for affirmation elsewhere. My advice to all women on the subject of love languages is this: it’s always much easier to change your own behaviour and mindset than it is to change another person’s. As a wise colleague once told me, “In relationships, we can only do our 50%.” “Not feeling appreciated” is one of the top complaints most women have of their marriage. But only one in four men say they feel actively affirmed by their wives. Or, to put it another way, 75% of men do not feel actively affirmed by their wives. Identifying each other’s love languages is a great place to start in order to rectify the situation. I guarantee you that if you remember to love your husband using his languages, and encourage him to do the same for you, you will both feel more appreciated and affirmed. If you would like to know more about the five love languages, download our app, or follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@NabtaHealth) for our daily hints and tips on all things woman.
Human Immunodeficiency Virus ([HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)) attacks the body’s immune system. It weakens an infected person’s defense against life-threatening illnesses and diseases including cancer and serious infections. Unchecked, the virus will progress to AIDS. Described by the [World Health Organisation (WHO)](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/hiv-aids) as a “major global public health issue” (having claimed 34.7 million lives so far), at the end of 2020 there were an estimated 37.6 million people around the world living with [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/). #### How is the [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) virus transmitted? [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) is transmitted via bodily fluids. Common methods of transmission are sharing needles and syringes, unprotected vaginal or anal sex, and transmission from an infected mother to her baby during pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding. You cannot get the [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) virus from hugging, kissing, shaking hands, [sweat, urine or saliva](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/). #### What are the symptoms of [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)? [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) is most infectious within the first few months of the virus entering a person’s body, when the viral load is at its highest. Some people experience flu-like symptoms during this period. Over time, as the immune system weakens, an [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)\-positive person may develop a persistent cough, common herpes, [diarrhoea](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/diarrhoea/), fatigue, fever, swollen lymph nodes and weight loss. Get a discreet, cheap and quick at-home [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) test on the [Nabta Women’s Health Shop](https://nabtahealth.com/product/hiv-test/) #### What’s the difference between [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) and AIDS? Related but not the same, [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) is a virus, AIDS is a condition. AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) is the chronic condition caused when a person’s immune system is so damaged and weakened by the [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) virus that it can’t defend itself against diseases and infections. A person living with AIDS has a shorter life expectancy due to the body’s susceptibility to what the Mayo Clinic describes as [opportunistic illnesses or cancers](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hiv-aids/symptoms-causes/syc-20373524). #### How is [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) diagnosed? [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) is diagnosed with a blood or saliva test. Your doctor’s clinic may offer a finger prick test with initial results ready after just a few minutes, but a more detailed analysis will take a few days. At-home testing kits are also available to order online (see Nabta Health) and are stocked at some local pharmacies. If there is a chance you have been exposed to [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) you should seek medical advice immediately. Emergency post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) administered within 24 to 72 hours of exposure to the virus may halt the infection. #### Can you treat [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)? There is currently no cure for [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/). It is however manageable with early diagnosis and daily [antiretroviral](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/antiretroviral/) medication. [Antiretroviral](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/antiretroviral/) drugs stop the virus replicating in your body, halting its progression and reducing damage to the immune system. Effective treatment also lessens the viral load and with it the risk of passing the virus to others. If a person is [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) positive and acts early they have the potential to [lead](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/lead/) a long and healthy life. #### **Sources** [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/) and AIDS, NHS [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/)[hiv](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)\-and-aids/ [HIV](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)/AIDS, Mayo Clinic [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hiv-aids/symptoms-causes/syc-20373524)[hiv](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hiv/)\-aids/symptoms-causes/syc-20373524
Your libido is your sex drive and loss of libido can affect many women at certain times in their lives. In fact, according to the [UK’s Sexual Advice Association](https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk/womens-sexual-problems/), sexual problems in women are increasingly common and are estimated to affect 1 in 3 young and middle-aged women, and 1 in 2 older women. There are both psychological and physical reasons for reduced sex drive in a woman. Female libido can go up and down depending on where a woman is in her life, both physically and mentally. Certain life triggers such as relationship or job pressures, pregnancy, [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/), illness and some medications may cause a woman’s sexual desire to fluctuate. [The Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/symptoms-causes/syc-20374554) lists the symptoms of low sex drive in a woman as: having no interest in any sexual activity, including masturbation; never or seldom having any sexual thoughts or fantasies; and being concerned by her lack of sexual activity and fantasies. If low libido continues for some time it can be distressing and cause relationship conflict, so it’s important to identify the underlying causes. #### What causes female low sex drive? Low libido in women can be triggered by: * Relationship issues * Job and social pressures * [Low](https://nabtahealth.com/product/testosterone-test/) [testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/) or androgen levels. Female [testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/) peaks in the late teens to early 20s and then steadily declines over the years. Levels drop rapidly after [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/). It’s worth noting that [elevated levels of](https://nabtahealth.com/product/testosterone-test/) [testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/) can be a symptom of polycystic ovary syndrome ([PCOS](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/pcos/)) * Medical conditions such as diabetes, [endometriosis](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/endometriosis/), [fibroids](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/fibroids/), thyroid disorder and high blood pressure * Depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses * Medications including certain anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants, drugs to lower blood pressure and some oral contraceptives #### Can you treat low sex drive in women? The combination of physical and psychological factors leading to low sex drive in a woman can mean that treatment is complex. Where loss of libido is persistent a doctor may diagnose hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) and will try to determine what is impacting on sexual desire. Appropriate treatment options include: * Relationship counselling or sex therapy * Change in medications or altered dose * Addressing underlying medical conditions. For example, [fibroids](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/fibroids/) may be removed * Prescribing hormone therapy. In post-menopausal women painful vaginal dryness is linked with lowered sex drive and can be treated with vaginal estrogen creams * [Testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/) therapy to boost sexual desire in peri- and post-menopausal women has been controversial and is not [FDA](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/fda-2/)\-approved but it is sometimes prescribed to [“help lift a lagging libido”](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374561). A low sex drive can leave a woman feeling distressed and frustrated and can harm her quality of life. Seeking medical advice can help to establish the underlying causes of low libido and treatment options. [Get an at-home blood test](https://nabtahealth.com/shop/?swoof=1&product_cat=tests) to discreetly learn whether your symptoms are caused by a deficiency like [low](https://nabtahealth.com/product/testosterone-test/) [testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/). **Sources** Women’s Sexual Problems, Sexual Advice Association [https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk/womens-sexual-problems/](https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk/womens-sexual-problems/) Low Sex Drive in Women, Mayo Clinic [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374561](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374561)
**[Menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) symptoms can put a strain on your relationship. Here are tips for coping together…** Changing hormones can cause a variety of uncomfortable symptoms, from [hot flushes](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/hot-flushes/) (hot flashes) and night sweats, to [vaginal dryness](https://nabtahealth.com/5-reasons-why-you-may-be-experiencing-vaginal-dryness/) and mood swings. These issues, together with other mid-life stresses, can sometimes put significant pressure on a relationship. In addition, there may be other big changes happening in the mid-life years, such as the children leaving home, or caring for ageing parents, which can add to the pressure. The good news is, there are things you can do to help deal with these problems, and retain your intimacy and sense of togetherness as a couple. Here are some top tips to help you get through the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) together… ##### Learn about the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) together Knowing what to expect can be very helpful for both parties. During [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/), fluctuating hormones can cause a wide range of physical issues, including night sweats, vaginal dryness, headaches, sore breasts, irregular periods, weight gain, fatigue and difficulty sleeping. It can also cause emotional and cognitive problems, including mood swings, ‘brain fog’, anxiety and depression. Dealing with these issues can have a big impact on a relationship. Researching the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) together can help you anticipate potential challenges and look for ways to help reduce them. Try doing some research online, or looking at magazine articles together. There are also many books covering all aspects of the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/), which you could read together – from self-help guides to health-boosting recipes. You can view a range of Live Better With recommended books to help with understanding and managing the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) [here](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/collections/understanding-planning?productFilter=filter-Symptom%3AEducating%20Myself). ##### Be patient with each other During the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/), a woman can experience a range of different emotions and physical symptoms, and may become overwhelmed. When emotions are running high, it can be all too easy to take things personally. It’s important to be patient and supportive of each other, and to try to remain non-judgmental and see things from your partner’s point of view. Try to remember the root cause of the problem, and that this stage won’t last forever. It can also help to offer each other regular reassurance, to let your partner know that you still love them, and it’s not their fault, and look for ways to show each other that you still care. ##### Make adjustments to your sexual relationship The [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) can cause issues with sex and intimacy. Changing hormones can cause a dip in a woman’s sexual desire (or libido), and falling levels of [oestrogen](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/oestrogen/) can cause the vaginal area to become less lubricated, meaning that sex may become painful. On top of this, fatigue, depression or problems with body image can also affect a woman’s confidence and her desire to have sex. With all this going on, it can be easy for the sexual side of a relationship to break down and for resentment to develop. It’s important for couples to keep the lines of communication open, and if necessary look for other ways to be intimate. You can read our article on how to cope with painful sex during [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) [here](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/blogs/menopause/how-to-cope-with-painful-sex-during-menopause). If vaginal dryness (or atrophy) is an issue, there are some great lubricants, moisturisers and other products that can help to improve things. You can see a range of Live Better With recommended products to help with vaginal dryness and low libido [here](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/collections/vaginal-dryness-low-libido). And see our guide to the best intimate aids [here](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/blogs/menopause/best-intimate-aids-to-help-having-sex-during-menopause). ##### Make things as comfortable as possible One common problem that couples can find particularly challenging is dealing with night sweats – excessive episodes of sweating at night, which are caused by hormonal changes. This can be the cause of many a night-time dispute, with one partner wanting to fling open all the windows while the other is desperately clinging on to the duvet! Problems with night sweats and [insomnia](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/insomnia/) can also [lead](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/lead/) some couples to sleep apart, making it even more difficult to maintain intimacy. However, there are lots of things you can do to help make things more comfortable at night, such as installing a fan, and using lighter bedding made from cotton or [bamboo](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/products/bamboo-duvet-cover), which are naturally soft and moisture-wicking. You could even try using separate duvets on the same bed for a while! You can view a range of Live Better With recommended products designed to help with getting a good night’s sleep [here](https://menopause.livebetterwith.com/collections/difficulty-sleeping-insomnia). ##### Find other ways to stay close If sex is proving difficult, you can look for other ways to stay close and maintain a sense of togetherness as a couple. Try to concentrate on building up the romantic and sensuous side of your relationship. Going on a romantic dinner date, enjoying a massage, or cuddling up on the sofa and watching a movie can help to create togetherness and build confidence, without any additional pressure. ##### Take up a new hobby Sharing a hobby can help you to feel more connected as a couple, and give you a sense of common interest. You could try starting a new hobby or learning a new skill together, such as cooking or pottery, or doing something physically active such as walking in the country, or exercise classes. Exercise can also help with some [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) symptoms, including weight issues and hormonal imbalances. ##### Keep talking – and listening [Menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) is a natural phase of life. For some women it marks a new freedom, as periods come to an end and the risk of pregnancy diminishes. For others, it can be a difficult and challenging time. Either way, it’s important to remember that this phase will come to an end, and it can help to share any changes or concerns you may be feeling. Men can also face changes at this time of life, including declining levels of [testosterone](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/testosterone/), which can affect emotions, libido and sexual performance, as well as other health and ageing issues. If you can deal with it together you may find you become even closer, and this will help you enjoy a healthy and loving relationship in the years to come. Finally, if you do find that you’re struggling to cope as a couple, it might be time to get some help from a specialist. Counselling can help many couples to deal with the symptoms of the [menopause](https://nabtahealth.com/glossary/menopause/) and other mid-life challenges. ##### About Live Better With This article was originally written and published by our partner [Live Better With](https://livebetterwith.com/). Live Better With’s mission is to make everyday living a bit better for the millions of people living with long term health conditions, all over the world. We do this through thousands of curated products, informative content, useful services and a thriving online community. Visit Live Better With [here](https://livebetterwith.com/).
**An opinion piece.** Many stories and tales portray the relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law as an eternal war, when in reality this disagreement is more due to differences in personality and behaviour. Statistics from the School of Social Sciences at Fundação Getulio Vargas in Brazil, electronically collected from around 1800 women worldwide, show that the relationship between a woman and her mother-in-law significantly improves by 72% after 10-15 years of marriage. This result suggests that these relationships improve with this understanding of each others' personalities and learning how to deal with their differences. Controversy results from a general, and natural difference in people’s personalities. People also differ in their physiology, behaviour, talents, colours, languages, thought and intellectual abilities; as clarified by the Quran verse: “of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colours. Verily, there are signs in this for the learned”. In my first year of marriage, I was very weary of my relationship with my mother-in-law as a result of what I heard from my brother-in-law's wife.She characterised my mother-in-law as someone who is controlling, extremely intrusive and inquisitive. However, pleasing my mother-in-law was my primary concern when I got married, so I decided to treat her well from the beginning in the hope that I would be treated the same way in return. After hearing the experiences of a few friends, I was aware that loving the same “man” was actually the main reason for disputes between a mother and her daughter-in-law. So I decided to use tactics to maintain the close relationship between my mother-in-law and her son. Accordingly, I encouraged my husband to regularly check on her, call her, and run her chores. The closer my husband’s relationship to his mother became, the more she tried to improve my relationship with him and alleviate our disputes. I also ensured to remember her on every occassion, never without a gift or a gesture to which she would respond with great adulation saying ’thank you my daughter’. The only problem I had was my mother-in-law’s interference in housekeeping. I was upset with her constant references to its importance. Regardless, I listened to her comments without argument, until I remembered a friend’s advice: “communication and dialogue is the key for success of relationships”. I attempted to discuss this topic with my mother-in-law by highlighting how difficult it is to accommodate my professional and domestic responsibilities in parallel with my husband’s needs. The conversation ended there, with my mother-in-law’s stern expression her only response. When I returned back home after a hectic day in work the next day, I headed to kitchen as usual to cook but found dinner prepared on a tray. I was perplexed and went to see my mother-in-law to ask why have she has troubled herself. She whispered in my ears saying “dinner is a gift to my daughter after a long day, and this will be your gift every night so that you don’t have an excuse to organise your house”. I laughed and hugged her like a mother. Afterwards, I went to my room and told my husband what happened. He laughed and said: “Congratulations, you have won my mother’s heart”.Many women complained to me about either their mother or daughter in law. I always remained silent and refrained from joining these discussions. Until one time, a friend asked me why I never talk about my mother-in-law. I explained that there really aren’t bad mothers- or daughters-in-law. There are ways, means and a certain conduct that win the hearts of others. Offending others breaks everything that is beautiful and success of relationships depends on how much we actually want them to succeed. My goal from the beginning was to win my mother in law’s heart and not enter into endless arguments and disputes. One of my friends said that her mother-in-law constantly seeks to get between her and her husband, enforcing her opinions and decisions, oppressing my friend’s freedom and suppressing her personality, which upsets her and has resulted in a whirlwind of eternal arguments. I interrupted my friend while she was talking and asked if she has ever tried to ask for advice from her mother in law. She responded: “never, how can I ask for her advice when I know what’s best for me and my husband?”. I clarified that the controversy between them is a result of personality disparities, for there would be no harm in attempting to understand and communicate with your mother-in-law. After all, she is older and more experienced, and the success of your relationship depends on the way you treat her. Perhaps, you could allow her to make decisions about mundane and simple things that won’t interfere with your married life. How about you try giving her some space and freedom to make decisions? You don’t need to disagree or argue with her, because the actual final decision will be the one agreed between you and your husband. Moreover, keep in mind that a mother-in-law’s goal is not necessarily to dominate or command; but rather her feeling that she is more capable of overseeing matters may stem from her belief that "age breeds wisdom". The success of the relationship with your mother in law relies on listening and understanding Your mother in law is your husband’s mother, the one who has dedicated her life to raise him to be her main support in old age. It is painful for a mother to find herself distant from her son. Try to understand and learn from the profound experiences of your husband's mother, and know that the secret to peace may lie in good conduct and harmony.
